To Do in 2011

As this year whittles down, I want to make a list of things I missed out on and swore to revisit next year. These are not resolutions - I resolved a long time ago to not make any. These are merely things that I attempted (really wanted) to start this year but couldn't. My personal To-Do list. And I shall keep adding as and when they come to me. So here goes.

Museum Day - I really wanted to go the California Academy of Science. But of course, it was sold out. What with free admission and all. Maybe I don't have to wait for a whole year but go see this place I must.

Swimming - (Yes, I don't know how to. Don't give me that look!) Before next year's sun scorches down upon us, I shall be taking to the water like a fish.

Blog more - This has to be some sort of a record for me. I haven't written twice in the same month, ever. In fact, 2009 has all of TWO posts. Now now, I don't want to be getting ahead of myself, or lead you on to believe that this feat is going to be repeated. But, I shall commit to writing once a month at the very least.

Limbo: Does time really make EVERYthing better?

When there is a not-so-happy or disturbing experience (replace with traumatic/embarrassing.. take your pick) all that comes to mind for a while is the bad stuff. Only the memories that lead to the demise of that experience remain. It's like the good never happened. You sulk for a bit, fall in to a pattern, and then decide to grow up.. let the past be, and move on with your life. After a while, the bad stuff does not seem so bad anymore. After a while longer, you actually start to remember the good stuff. Even at this point, it's all black and white. You take in to account everything, both good and bad, and pat yourself on the back for standing your ground. You've moved on.

Fast forward some more.. the bad stuff starts to disappear, leaving more room for the hippocampus to flex some muscle and reel in the good. By this time, there has been enough advancement in life to not take the past in to consideration at all. But that's where the clarity ceases. Set foot in to the grey zone. Was it really that bad an experience to warrant a permanent death sentence from life altogether? Oh wait, warning bells go off in the distance. It all seems too familiar somehow. But instinct is reasoned with emotion, and all logic goes out the door.. taking the ringing bells with it.

The final leap in time.. and then you find yourself beyond zones. Does the past have any place in the present? Or maybe in the future? Will you regret not finding out? Before you know it, you are climbing the steps towards limbo. No man's land. One wrong step at this juncture could spell doom. Years worth of progress, wiped out in an instant. Or it could give you answers without which the present and the future are incomplete. Answers that can put a padlock on this time machine that goes back to revisit the scene.. over and over again.

Time is supposed to make everything better. But every now and then, it doesn't. It takes black and white, and turns it in to grey. And it doesn't end there. Time then teleports you to a place where you cannot discern the difference. Sometimes, time does not make everything better. It puts you in limbo.

The drug that fuels passion

What we all need.. is more passion. Passion for something other than the mundane things we do in life. Unless of course your passion IS your life. I am not talking to you. You are already ten steps ahead of me.

Ideally, we would all like to be living our dream. But for those who are not producing music at your favorite artist's record label or traveling the world attending glitzy do's, where do you find passion? What is the strong sense of connection that keeps you going? How do you find the strength to take on life's chores that find no escaping.. the job, grocery shopping, social meet and greets.

Some of us go through life without finding that elusive something we'd give up saturday nights for. Others are in an eternal journey of discovering multiple addictions. I would like to have just one thing, one thing that would take me away from this monochrome film and transport me somewhere distant, if only for a few colorful moments at a time. I believe I have found my drug. May it bring me the peace I have been searching for. May you find yours.

Colored Stripes of Change

Happy 2010! That was six months back. Time flies? No shit.

If someone had told me back then that this is what my life would be like, six months down the road, I would have chuckled! Landing a job right as I was graduating, discovering the joy of working brutally long hours at said job, learning to be dependent on someone else other than myself, its been quite the change.

Change is good. Change is inevitable. After all, it's the only thing that remains constant. I haven't quite made peace with all these changes. And yet, there is a weird sense of normalcy, that of being in a routine. I keep drifting away with the winds of change, only to be reeled in occasionally by a strong tug that invokes a comforting feeling. That of being home.

But it's ironic as well. Because I hardly feel at home where I reside. Every piece of furniture, from the luxurious leather sofa that I am lying on as I type this, to the colored stripes of the oven mittens, the tiniest of details carry my imprint. Then why the sense of detachment? Why am I awake at 2 AM when I have everything I need right next to me? That is a question I cannot answer right now. I can only look up at the night sky, bracing myself for the winds of change to bear down and whisk me away again.