Disconnected

I haven't written anything in a teribbly long while. Looking back at some of my earlier posts, not that they were written with frequent alacrity then, but even so, I realized that I stopped writing about.. stuff. Like the post about blinking or the one about time. It became more.. mundane. Not that I haven't had the inspiration to write more about "stuff", but my fingers only want to keep churning out random events that are happening in real time. That's not what I want to write about. Somewhere along the way I stopped rambling about out of context, disconnected jumbles of thoughts.

I think a large part of it had to do with an increasing reluctance to be visible to everyone. With us getting more transparent day by day (hello facebook and twitter), I think this part of me wants to silently retreat. So I decided to go old school and bought a notebook and pen (Yes, I didn't have one readily available, blame my iDevices). I am looking forward to putting pen to paper again, in the literal sense, and awaiting my rambling in it's full glory. Will any of it ever find it's way here? I wonder.

The big TWO-FIVE

April's here! As far as I can remember, I've always looked forward to April. I could hardly wait to turn a year older, always in a big hurry to grow up. Although this year, I am not so sure. It's actually scary, to say the least. Turning 25 is a big deal. It's the first milestone you measure your life by. You're no longer a student, but out in the real world, accomplished and doing things you wanted to be doing and hopefully getting paid handsomely for it as well.

My checklist of "Things to accomplish" by the time I am 25:

Go to a great grad school - Cancelled

Working a job I love - Pending

Pay off my student loans - Pending

Pursue one hobby I am passionate about - Check

Find myself a keeper - Check

Start travelling to new places - Check

Be very happy - ?

I went to a good school, not a great one, but good enough for the program I was attending. Going to a great school meant a greater amount of student loan(s) as well. I wisely decided to forego the brow-raising brand names in order to reduce my tuition bill and boy am I glad for it. Student loans are like bottomless pits. The more you try to pay off, the longer it takes to completely get rid of. Wait, that doesn't sound right, does it? But that's exactly how I've felt in the last few months since I started repaying them! Nevertheless, I digress. So, even though I didn't end up going to the school I wanted, it was a pretty good deal with it being in the heart of the Bay Area, making some good friends for life, and a program that is now well recognized in the industry here. Happy factor - 8 (on 10)

I am on my second job. This should have been the one to turn my life around. The first one was right out of school and as a struggling grad student, a perfect way of getting in the door, earn enough to pay the bills, and even have some left over to burn every other weekend. But it turned in to something that I loathed at the end of a year and I swore to myself that my next one would be more meaningful. Bearing working restrictions in mind, I moved on to doing something that I liked doing and was challenging. But alas, it's not going to "Show me the money". Still on the lookout. Happy factor - 4.5

Enough has been said about my student loans already. The only other thing worth mentioning is the fact that paying them off cannot even be deducted from my taxes unless I am a resident. Meh. Happy factor - Doesn't count. Really? What is there to be happy about?!

I feel sad looking at my camera gear gathering dust in the corner. I have been lacking in the motivation, inspiration and time it needs to be able to shoot good pictures. But a recent project I worked on is showcasing my pictures for the world to see. My signature might not yet be on them, but until that happens, these little bursts of activity behind the lens will keep me going. Happy factor - 7

It's just been a year since we started dating, but I realized that this was the real deal a few months in to it. Him, only a few weeks! He is everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and I am pretty pleased with the way things have played out. Happy factor - 10

I would like to travel a lot more than I've been able to do so far but travel for me is more than packing a backpack and getting on the road. It's not as fulfilling without friends or someone special to share new sights and sounds with. Now, with that not being an issue, I am starting to fully indulge myself. Weekend trips, mini vacations - here we come! Happy factor - 8

All things considered, I've got it pretty good. It doesn't feel the same everyday. In fact it's borderline frustrating every now and then as I struggle to find the right opportunities for myself. But the days when little things make the corners of one's mouth tug upward ever so slightly and burst in to full blown laughter on other's, are aplenty, it makes for one very happy panda!

Happy New Year!

2011. One more year gone by. This year is big. It just might be THE year. I am turning 25 after all. Not quite sure how I feel about that but more on that in April. 2010 has been very eventful - made new friends, lost some old friends, did something new and exciting, travelled, took up a hobby. In fact, it could be just about any year! So what makes last year so special? I found my rock. The special someone I could do all these things with, year after year. The one person who, in a short span of time, has gotten to know me like no one else.

2010 is going to be the year that changed everything, because of you. In 2011, I look forward to marking our first year together and hope that it is only the start of many more years to come. Happy New Year!